To My Sweet Little Logan,
Two and half months ago God sent down one of his most beautiful blessings for Mommy and Daddy, YOU! From the very beginning of your little life mommy called you her "little fighter"! Being a preemie ( 5 wks early ) you were suppose to stay in the NICU for a few weeks and need help with your breathing, but not you! You came out into this world screaming those little lungs off and showing your "fighting" skills! You went to the NICU where the put you on supplimental oxygen because they thought for sure that you would require it, you didnt! After a few hours and a clean bill of health they stopped the oxygen and had you in a regular bed. Not even a whole 24 hours after your birth you were discharged from the NICU to mommys room! Everyone, including the nurses and doctors where shocked! You were suppose to be Mommy's "whimpy white boy" but whimpy you were not! You we strong, you where my little fighter! At that time, Mommy didn't realize just how perfect that name would come to be! When you were 1 week old I started to question the "ridge" along the back of your head, and the shape too. I was told it was positional and it would correct itself. So at your one month visit, I asked again... This time I didn't stop until I got some answers. Xrays & CT scan confirmed you had Saggital Craniosynostosis. You would require surgery to correct it. Well, that surgery is here.
Today is the BIG day, the day that mommy has been dreading for over a month now. It's actually here. So many emotions are running through my head right now. Im anxious, nervous, scared, excited, but most of all worried. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay and that God will take good care of you today, but at the same time I just cant help but be scared. You are my little angel baby and the thought of the pain you are about to endure is tearing my heart to shreds. You lay here next to me and I look at that sweet angelic face and I can't help but think that if only you knew what was about to happen. I also keep kissing that precious little head of yours trying to remember it just the way it is, scarless. Its hard to believe that this is the last time I will ever look at your little head and not see a scar. I know someday that scar will face and your hair will grow over it, but Mommy will always know it is there! It gives me a lot of happieness to know that when you are older that you will not remember this at all. The pain will be extinct, the scar will be covered, and your little head will be perfect! I think mommy's biggest fear is handing you off to the unknown and trusting them with your little life. How will I hand you over? Will they have to tear you away? That thought alone has been haunting me from the very beginning! How do I trust someone that much, essentially with my life! My sweet little Logan, just know that mommy loves you more than words can say and this will soon be over! I will be there the second you wake up, and will never leave your side! I have packed some familiar items from your room incase your little eyes swell shut, hopefully you will be comforted by the sounds and by their touch. I packed your "monthly monkey" who is wearing your 'Stronger Than You Think' shirt, your lullably giraffe that you love, both of your favorite blankies, your lullably CD's, and your new teddy from your Bubbie! Mommy puts you completely in God's hands and trusts him entirely! With him, all things are possible!
Love Always my Little Angel,
Mommy --xoxoxoxo
P.S. I also want you to know that you have an army of people praying for you! There are so many people that love and care for you and will be there when you come out of surgery today!
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